Never In My Life....

3.16.09

Tonight, I witnessed something so extraordinarily horrifying that I fear it may be burned in my brain until the end of time, or until Mickey Rourke stops getting work done on his face. I was getting the three live crew ready for cereal, and had Scarlett and Gavin strapped in their seats and ready for take off. Simon was off on his own, happily playing on the stairs. Kidding! I'm kidding! He was only playing on the BOTTOM stair. So I go to pick him up, swing him against my hip, and he is wet. I quickly pull him back and I am wet as well. Then I look at his pants. He is wet and seeping through NOT with pee, dear readers. Ohhhhhh no. It's what a mother fears most - the insideous dookie leak. I put him on the changing table of the pack and play and opened his diaper. Holy Lord - never in my life have I seen such carnage. I swear to the heavens above there were entire whole carrots in there, as if someone had broken in, opened his Huggies, sprinkled a handful of carrot bits in and closed it back up tight. I mean SERIOUSLY - did the boy even mush up ANY of them when he was eating? And WHY does this only happen when The Hubs is at work, for the love of Sherman Hensley?

So I got the little bugger cleaned up, fed everyone, went to pull Gavin out of his seat to clean everyone up, and he smelled VERY suspicious. Jaysus, Mary and Joseph, give me strength.....

However, in order not to leave you with such an image of my children, here are the two culprits at hand, this morning, captured on video in their natural habitat by The Hubs. Simon is the one you can see, hamming it up for Gavin, just on the other side of the bannister. Clearly we may also have to change Simon's name as we did Skid Row's. I think Angus Young sounds fitting.