Chicfreak Cubed

Day 60 - 5.10.08

• It is virtually impossible to shave your legs when PG.
• See number one: this goes double for wiping. Ahem.
• It is entirely POSSIBLE that your pelvis will swell up as large as a bowling ball.
• Don’t plan on rolling over in bed in the middle of the night. Just switch sides when you get up to go to the bathroom for the 157^th time.
• Your husband could become your best pedicurist in your third trimester. I do not know this from firsthand experience, but have heard of such a myth.

Still Day 59 - 5.9.08

Yeah, I'm posting again today, even though it'll be a short one for now, and I may post AGAIN before the day is out, so suck it! Here is my favorite line from NBC TV last night. Enjoy...

"This is a virtual guaranteed disaster, worse than eating a burrito just before sex."
30 Rock

Day 59 - 5.9.08

As much as I love the cleaning lady who comes in my room during the week (I especially love it when she says "Aye, Mami - how are chooooo???) I do NOT love it when she comes in before 7 a.m. Puh-leeeeeze....sleep is at a premium around here, especially as I get closer to The Day, so for someone to come in dumping the trashcan and swishing new can liners, with the door open so I can hear all the nurses chatting as they come on their shift, well, it makes me want to throw a bottle of blue ultrasound goo at the lot of them, and believe you me, I have an overabundance of blue ultrasound goo to throw.

Soooo, at the risk of sounding like Cranky Pregnant Beyotch Who Has Been Stuck on Bedrest for the Past 8 Weeks, I will be posting a note on my door today requesting that Housekeeping STAY OUT until after 8 a.m. from now on. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200. Do not even THINK of picking up that ammonia spray to clean the toilet. Thank you for your cooperation.

The Management

Day 53 - 5.3.08

Week 32

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And for those of you who are sensitive viewers, you may want to just scroll on past the next photo...

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And finally, I thought just for kicks I'd throw in a photo of me in all my monitoring glory, looking trussed up like a turkey:

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Note the pasty white, vampiric toothpick legs and arms. It's a wonder I don't burst into flames at the slightest touch of the sun.

Day 51 - 5.1.08

My dope friend Natasha sent me the following poem that she wrote for me today, and I thought I would share it (plus, it just means I don't have to write anything). Natty Lite - thanks for doing my work for me today. I don't suppose you would mind having the babies for me too????

holed up

my friend shannan is having lots of babies
3, exactly, and bed rest is driving her crazies

stretchy pants and t-shirts have become her m.o.
regardless of what she wears, she's a beautiful ho

i'm sorry I called you a ho in that last line
it's all I could come up with, this twisted brain of mine

the time is drawing near for her to meet Baby A, B & C
and right after that, from the hospital she'll flee!

her first stop, outside the hospital walls
will probably be somewhere with pasta & giant meat balls

she'll then ask Tom to take her to la bodega
and he will to show her how how much he loves her

i know, i know, that last stanza didn't rhyme
but la bodega, seriously, is yummy, try it some time!

i am going to wrap up this sadly written prose
hang in there hot mamacita, it's almost time to goes!

STILL Day 50 - 4.30.08

Duuuu-huuuu-uuude. Just got back from my bi-weekly-ish ultrasound, and am now beginning to understand why I've been so miserable the past few days - I've got almost 11 pounds of baby in my belly! Baby A is 3 lbs 15 oz (Oink! Oink!), and Babies B and C are both 3 lbs 7 oz, which also makes me wonder if they haven't done a lil flippity-ip in there, and Baby A is now actually Scarlett, especially since she has been biggest all along, and Simon and Yet To Be Decided On Named Baby have been running neck in neck as far as size goes.

The doc said the babies look great - their fluid looks good, and membrane/placentas look good as well, so HOLLA to the three muskateers in there. May you continue to grow like fatty-fatty-two-by-fours, but for the love of Nell Carter - PUH-LEEEEZE stop kicking me in the ribs!!!

Love,

Mommy

Day Friggin 50 – 4.30.08

You Know You’ve Been in the Hospital Too Long When….

you have a favorite COMMERCIAL. Believe me, I know this more than anyone. Still, I can’t help but be amazed anytime the commercial comes on for ShamWOW. I mean, seriously, that little chamois will pick up ANYTHING – 21 times it’s weight????? You can’t tell me that is nothing short of phenomenal. And four ShamWOW’s for $19.99? Plus if you call NOW they double your order? They’re practically GIVING them away. Don’t take my word for it though – check it out for yourself:

http://www.shamwow.com/

Day 49 - 4.29.08

Because I woke up this morning craving ANYTHING but hospital food, I thought I'd share the list of restaurants I most miss and can't wait to visit when I get outta the clink:

• La Bodega: Oh my sweet La Bodega - I know you miss me too. Especially your blue-cheese crusted fillet and patatas bravas. And chorizo and chicken skewer, and pork and apple skewer. And Spanish coffee for dessert. But most of all, I miss you, Mojito. Sniffle....
• Mr. Sushi - Tan, I have never known an owner of a restaurant to know the name of every single customer who comes in his door, but you do, amazingly. And even more than that, then you bring me the most delicious sushi - especially your spicy crab salad and Lee's Summit Roll. Yummmmmmm...
• Intercontinental Hotel - for high tea. I know we have only met once, but oh, what a meeting it was. Your white tea was so delicate, and the finger sandwiches and pastries I scarfed down, delectable. I will be back. Oh, yes,  I WILL be back.
• Azul - You little Latin temptress. Like the Intercontinental, I know we have only met once, but once was enough to know I will be back for your margarita cheesecake with tequila whipped cream on the side.
• Lidia's - Lidia's, Lidia's, Lidia's. My favorite Italian food in the Metro. Your wine list, your daily pasta trio (I will never forget that ravioli filled with nettles that was surprisingly delicious), and the honey lavendar ice cream? Come on - who wouldn't love that.
• Cassis - A little hidden gem in the heart of Johnson County - who would've thought? Frenchie French food with a champagne bar? What's not to love?
• Skies - Though we usually use you for your lounge and incredible views of the city (especially at sunset) I had the best lobster I've ever eaten at your lovely establishment.
• Christopher Elbow Chocolates -Okay, so you're not really a restaurant, per se, but you DO have the best chocolates I have ever tasted in my life. I mean, bananas-foster and rosemary caramel chocolates? Genius. But my fave is the sea-salt caramel. As my homie Nattie Lite would say - BRING IT TO MY MOUF!

There is is - my humble list of most-missed restaurants. I will be accepting applications to babysit the triplets immediately so that I can start making reservations. Any volunteers?

Day 48 - 4.28.08

I have been having a cranky past few days, and I woke up feeling better this morning than I have in a while, so I felt the need to share one of my favorite skits from SNL, and because this is MY blog, I thought - what the hey - I'm going to DO it, dammit! I present to you:

The Barry Gibb Talk Show...

http://www.jibjab.com/view/110211

Day 47 - 4.27.08

I have officially hit cranky pregnant beyotch stage. Seriously. As of about 2 days ago, I am so over this. I know, I know - it's best for the babies to stay in as long as possible, but I am so sick of contractions, bed-sore hips, a pelvis that feels so swollen it's like I am carrying a bowling ball around in it, barely being able to hobble to the bathroom, sometimes needing HELP to hobble to the bathroom, I am just done. Thankfully I have not had to ask for help wiping. I told my mom this weekend that I cannot be nice to anyone anymore, especially if it's hospital staff who is not giving me what I want when I want it. Don't get me wrong - for the duration of my stay, I have really loved almost all of the staff I've been in contact with (Sarah, Michelle, and Susan - you three have seriously kept me sane since I have been here, and I have the deepest admiration bordering on a stalkerish kind of affection for you), and have only requested NOT to have two nurses, but I now feel like since I've been here for almost 2 months, I'm not dealing with anyone or any situation that irritates me or my uterus.

The staff has told me from the beginning of my stay that I am a very low maintenance patient, but those days are quickly drawing to a close. I don't know if it's a combination of discomfort, misery, hormones, or a big ole combination of all of the above, but Lord help the person who irritates my uterus right now.

Don't say I didn't warn you.